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[goingtobeunwell]

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[goingtobeunwell]

Perhaps.

[He watches him for a moment, then lowers his gaze to sip his tea.]

Was there something you needed to ask me?

[riseunparalleled]

Oh, yes!

[He hadn't forgotten, but he doesn't see any need to rush into things when there's tea.]

I was speaking to Kiryu and it made me think about asking for help. For myself, I'm always happy to ask, but there have been many times when it wouldn't have been answered. I think that's true for a lot of people here, and they might not even have had the foundation of having once been a position where they'd be answered. I've found people to be very kind here, when you reach out, so it seems like a good place to practice - and have that practice serve as a model to point to and show that people will help.

…But then I realized I couldn't think of what would be a good thing to ask.

[goingtobeunwell]

[He pauses and laughs softly.]

Lord. That’s a complicated request. How to demonstrate asking for help, by posing a question meant to ask for help.

[riseunparalleled]

[Xie Lian grins at him.]

You see my problem! It also has to be an honest request, which makes it more difficult.

[goingtobeunwell]

I…

[He hesitates, setting his teacup down and toying with it.]

I have specifically asked for help with my problem, and have gotten responses from many people. Perhaps that would be an example?

[riseunparalleled]

Yes, it was very brave of you. That's part of why I wanted to ask you.

And it's very kind of you to offer it as an example. [Xie Lian earnest admiration can be a potent thing.]

People ask for help in the kitchen and were answered there, too. But they were requests made when it was at a breaking point. There can be a lot of extremes, here. It's good to show that important, personal requests can be made - but sometimes straightforward things can also feel like too much vulnerability for some.

[He rubs the back of his neck.] I thought about asking advice on more 'modern' clothing... but I already have two sets of robes. [He sees no reason to change unless they land at a port where it might cause problems.]

[goingtobeunwell]

[Brave, or desperate? He wonders how fine the line was there.]

Clothing?

[He looks down at his own waistcoat and shirtsleeves, then at Xie Lian’s robes.]

There’s nothing wrong with your clothing. How about….mn.

[Vulnerable, vulnerable…what’s a question that opens up a person to potential ridicule or assumptions of weakness?

God. He knows what he would ask about.]

Advice on relationships. Friendship. Love.

[riseunparalleled]

[Desperation, maybe, but that doesn't out weigh the bravery. After all, there are many different choice people can make, in desperate circumstances.

'Advice on relationships', yes, that's a question that can cut right to the core. Not an urgent request, and something that needs something different than a willingness to work for your dinner. Also an important subject - anywhere, really, but certainly here.

He smiles.]

I knew you were the right person to ask. A question of love... perhaps on what should be forgiven.

[goingtobeunwell]

Could be any matter, so long as it shows a level of openness. I can’t think of anything more universal.

[riseunparalleled]

Yes... It's hard to think of something else so widely shared.

[goingtobeunwell]

Mn. I hope it helps things. It’s difficult to be vulnerable.

[riseunparalleled]

It is. And there are times it's dangerous. But it's best when it's your choice to be vulnerable or not, not simply that you only see one possible option.

[goingtobeunwell]

[He pauses.]

There’s a certain amount of vulnerability built into this system. In meeting people, trusting people, making friends, being redeemed or doing the redeeming. Falling in love.

[riseunparalleled]

[He nods.]

There's a limit to how much you can grow within a shell, but there are reasons why we have those shells. I've always thought it's appropriate to call it falling love. Such a great reward, but such a terrifying leap.

[goingtobeunwell]

Christ, it really is.

[He finishes his tea and gestures to the kettle -- a bit more? Actual hot water is still such an indulgent thing.]

I've fallen quite a bit, and was spiked each time upon landing. I've always found it difficult to close myself off completely though.

[riseunparalleled]

[He hums sympathetic agreement as he pours another cup.]

Like jumping into a pit and not knowing if there's angry ghosts, scorpion-snakes, or a surprisingly soft landing waiting for you. [Just to use a metaphor everyone can relate to.] I usually think that while closing off your heart might save a certain type of pain, it brings with it another. [He smile is a little rueful.] A belief that's easier the further away I am from an unfortunate landing.

[goingtobeunwell]

[Yes. Scorpion-snakes. You know. Normal things.]

Ah. Well. [A bit of a sigh, and he picks up the tea cup again.] In life I drank myself to death. It was the easiest way to not feel those feelings.

[riseunparalleled]

I've only gotten drunk once or twice, which might be why it only made everything feel worse. [He refills his own cup.] Yet I'm glad I've gotten the chance to know you.

[goingtobeunwell]

[The feeling is mutual. Perhaps more than that.]

Aye -- this place...I've been stripped bare, taken apart, and slowly remade. It's been painful, but I'm beginning to feel like it's been worth it. Knowing you has helped.

[riseunparalleled]

Ah. [Xie Lian doesn't blush, but he does use taking a drink as an excuse to half-obscure his face with a sleeve for a moment. He doesn't think there's a large part of himself that feels that he's almost always made the lives of the people he's cared about worse, but he's still unused to someone saying the reverse.] Remaking can be a difficult process, it can be hard to figure out how all the pieces fit, and which ones might be new or simply finally allowed to grow... But you've been very kind to me, since we first met, even with all the pains you've carried too. Knowing you has made my life better.

[goingtobeunwell]

[That might be a first for Crozier, being told he's made someone's life better. He clears his throat softly and glances away, quick to find something else to stare at besides Xie Lian.]

May I ask....I don't think I ever have, but why have you come to this place?

[riseunparalleled]

"Originally, I was from the Xianle Kingdom. It fell - many centuries ago, now. There were lots of reasons, but one was the outbreak of a terrible plague."

He's mentioned his deal to a couple of people, but this is more context than he's added.

"We thought the plague was also long gone, burned out in the pile of corpses it brought about... But, recently, I ran across a case. I want the Admiral to eradicate it from the world for good."

[goingtobeunwell]

The eradication of a plague -- it seems too selfless to be true, but he doesn't doubt for a moment that's Xie Lian's intentions are true. He nods softly, thoughtfully.

"Or else history may repeat itself," he says thoughtfully.

[riseunparalleled]

"Yes. It has already killed far too many people, and left so many scarred.

[He looks down at his hands, a moment, steady around the teacup.]

It's not something I ever wanted to see again. Having a chance to do something about it... I'm grateful.

[goingtobeunwell]

"I sincerely hope that you're able to earn your deal with the Admiral. That seems...a noble cause."

One he can see haunting his friend if he doesn't succeed.