“Brings that point of your life into the forefront of your thought?” he guesses. It is only that, after all. Just a guess, for as little life as he’s lived.
"Yeah. It is jarring. So much of the world has changed, and I've changed as well. But in that moment, it was almost like nothing had changed. Back then..."
He hesitates for a few moments.
"It was not that there wasn't anything I could do against the plague, but the cure wasn't something I could tell anyone about. That's why I was told what the cure was back then, by an enemy."
"It can be. You go to places you once knew, and it's not just the people are gone, but the very city itself..." They're two different feelings of loss, but they both can cause echoes of loneliness.
"That's why I like to stay in the present, instead of lingering on the past. I enjoy a cup of tea now, so why distract myself with some pain from a century ago?"
"Ah, our history is important. Where we come from, what we've done, what's been done to us - all of that matters. But doesn't it also matter, who we are right now? I believe that a person should be able to say 'this here, now, is good', without also having to think of every pain." He taps his chin, trying to fully untangle his thoughts.
There are lessons I've learned about who I want and don't want to be, that I keep in mind so I can do my best to make a choice I won't regret. But if I use the experience as a stick to beat myself, then I won't be able to go forward to make those better choices."
“Ah, there is something about living for the moment and not letting the past drag you down,” he reasons. “I imagine it’s something you’ve practiced for a while — the past for us, for me, isn’t all that far from the present, and it’s difficult not to let one weigh on the other.”
Crozier once more looks down at the empty tea cup. How time flies.
"I do have a lot of practice. The past is always in motion, and I don't just have regrets from eight hundred years ago. But if someone saves your life, and then you're responsible for their death... who is served by letting that weight stop you from moving?" He shakes his head. "Perhaps you could just say that I've failed so many people that there's always someone I owe too much not to try my best."
He fills the cup, and then his own. The company of a friend is always a welcome addition to his day, and his shrine is peaceful but, at home, often frequented by visitors.
"At home, I used to give classes on recognizing evil spirits. There are people here who say they're from a world without ghosts, but it still might be useful for some."
"A world without ghosts far as they know," Crozier replies. "My own world is a fine example of it. We thought nothing of spirits or ghosts until we came across the creature in the ice."
Crozier's gaze becomes distant. There was scurvy that killed them, the consumption, lead poisoning, and then there was the creature. The thing made of muscles and spells.
"Tuunbaq," he says, accent still heavy despite his attempt at the Inuktitut pronunciation. "It devoured my men. It walked like a white bear, thought like a man. It hunted us."
Xie Lian frowns slightly. He's not surprised the name is unfamiliar, but he wonders if the creature itself might fall into the category of something he knows.
"Out on the ice? It must have been a fearsome creature, those bears can be dangerous enough, without a man's intelligence or intent." Being able to think like a man is not something he associates with have a less violent nature.
"They were..." He pauses, trying to think of Lady Silence's relationship with the beast. "The creature had a shaman to corral it. A Netsilik man, traveling with his daughter. His tongue was cut out of his mouth..."
He doesn't know if it's relevant or not, but when he thinks of the creature it all comes back to him.
"Some sort of ritual, his daughter would not say. He died, and the wrath of the creature was unleashed upon us."
"Aye," Crozier says, tapping his hand absently on the table. "The Netsilik people. I've encountered them a number of times before the final expedition. The land is harsh and unyielding, and even the most well-prepared among them can struggle when the land doesn't provide. I can't say I'm altogether surprised there's a creature wandering the ice floes and tundra."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-04-06 03:59 pm (UTC)“It’s the same for us mortals,” he says sympathetically.
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Date: 2022-04-06 04:11 pm (UTC)"It's also difficult because it has been so long. So much else is different, seeing something from back then..."
It's complicated.
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Date: 2022-04-06 04:35 pm (UTC)“Must be jarring.”
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Date: 2022-04-06 04:45 pm (UTC)He hesitates for a few moments.
"It was not that there wasn't anything I could do against the plague, but the cure wasn't something I could tell anyone about. That's why I was told what the cure was back then, by an enemy."
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Date: 2022-04-06 05:41 pm (UTC)“Why do I get the feeling that’s a long story?”
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Date: 2022-04-06 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-06 06:28 pm (UTC)“How lonely that must be,” he remarks.
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Date: 2022-04-06 06:34 pm (UTC)"That's why I like to stay in the present, instead of lingering on the past. I enjoy a cup of tea now, so why distract myself with some pain from a century ago?"
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Date: 2022-04-06 07:28 pm (UTC)It formed him completely. But that’s not dwelling, is it?
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Date: 2022-04-06 07:36 pm (UTC)There are lessons I've learned about who I want and don't want to be, that I keep in mind so I can do my best to make a choice I won't regret. But if I use the experience as a stick to beat myself, then I won't be able to go forward to make those better choices."
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Date: 2022-04-06 07:47 pm (UTC)Crozier once more looks down at the empty tea cup. How time flies.
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Date: 2022-04-06 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-06 10:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-06 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-06 11:04 pm (UTC)He's enjoying himself; the company, the conversation, it's all been a lovely way to pass the time.
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Date: 2022-04-06 11:17 pm (UTC)"At home, I used to give classes on recognizing evil spirits. There are people here who say they're from a world without ghosts, but it still might be useful for some."
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Date: 2022-04-06 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-06 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-07 12:33 am (UTC)"Tuunbaq," he says, accent still heavy despite his attempt at the Inuktitut pronunciation. "It devoured my men. It walked like a white bear, thought like a man. It hunted us."
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Date: 2022-04-07 12:38 am (UTC)"Out on the ice? It must have been a fearsome creature, those bears can be dangerous enough, without a man's intelligence or intent." Being able to think like a man is not something he associates with have a less violent nature.
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Date: 2022-04-07 12:58 am (UTC)He doesn't know if it's relevant or not, but when he thinks of the creature it all comes back to him.
"Some sort of ritual, his daughter would not say. He died, and the wrath of the creature was unleashed upon us."
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Date: 2022-04-07 01:04 am (UTC)"Those are the people of that land? Or snow, I suppose."
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Date: 2022-04-07 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-07 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-07 01:59 am (UTC)He drains the rest of his tea and sets the cup down with a bit of a smile. "I'd best be going. I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome."
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