goingtobeunwell: (a man and his ship)
Captain Crozier ([personal profile] goingtobeunwell) wrote2037-05-30 09:14 pm
Entry tags:

Open RP



[Open post for RP - games, one-off threads, etc.]

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-11 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Raju’s frown deepens. “I could have…” he insists, then pauses as he searches for a way to end the sentence. It’s true anyway, even before he figures out the details of what exactly he could have done. “Done more of it. Made things easier for you. I know you’re still healing. I could have… I don’t know.”

He shakes his head, gaze drawn to Francis’ chest again, sounding frustrated. “Done something differently and spared you this. You’ve spent enough time in pain already.”

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-11 11:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Francis is asking Raju to trust him, to trust his judgment; Raju nods automatically, then keeps meeting that stern gaze for a long moment, trying to work something out.

It’s a strain. Bruises and muscles. Things that heal. Things Raju himself has worked through. Francis is telling him it isn’t serious enough to worry over, and Francis is a man who Raju respects and trusts, and so Raju should accept it. If any other man told him the same Raju would accept it, and doing it wouldn’t be this hard.

But if Seetha said it to him, he wouldn’t take her at her word, would he? Not in the same way. Seetha is his responsibility. Keeping her safe is his responsibility. And Francis…

“I know,” he says belatedly. “I trust you. But it…” He sets his hand on Francis’ knee, frowning at it for a moment before looking into Francis’ eyes again, like looking into the river. “You’re my responsibility. I know you can fend for yourself, but I’ve never loved a man like this before, and I can’t do it any other way. I should have been looking out for you.”

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-12 11:48 am (UTC)(link)
"Cautious?" Raju sounds a little doubtful, not certain how he feels about the word. He can't seem to stop studying Francis' body; he wishes it were for a more pleasant reason. "I thought I was."

He runs his hand down Francis' ribs again, very gently this time, barely brushing his shirt. "I just..."

He sighs. It doesn't matter. Francis is tired of being in pain, too. "Snow and warm rocks," he says in a stronger, more businesslike tone, fingertips lingering over Francis' side. "Those should help until this passes. Do you think you'll be able to eat?"

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-12 11:47 pm (UTC)(link)
At the touch to his cheek Raju looks up, sighs out just a little of his tension, finds his lips curling with just a little bit of a smile. Francis might not have touched him so freely this way just yesterday, and he realises all at once that he's been missing it. Or something like missing. Can he miss something Francis has barely even made a habit of doing yet?

It's something. It doesn't change the fact that Raju's hurt him, and Raju's expression doesn't lift very much. Then he smells—

He rushes over to the fire, grasps the rag wrapped around the pan, pulls it close and grimaces, wedging the corner of the spatula between the burnt bottom of the fish and the pan. "You can eat, but you might not want to," he complains, frustrated, and then starts muttering to himself. "Could cover it up with berries, but that might be a waste..."

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-13 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
Francis' soft smile gets a hard breath and a firming of Raju's jaw as he looks back down at the food. He's pushed and pushed for excellence in everything and it's set him apart, set him to accomplish all manner of impossible things. Things impossible for anyone else but him. How to speak and stand and dress and run and fight and think—

But not this small, essential thing. Not feeding a man who's too sore now to even sit forward without pain, let alone cook for himself. Not making sure that Francis doesn't get so sore in the first place, that he heals well, that he doesn't have to shove down memories of being slowly poisoned to have his meal just because Raju couldn't manage a fish.

"There's enough here for you," he declares, stubborn, as he pokes the spatula at it. "Half of each are still edible on the top side. I have berries and the tea, and some of that dried fish if I'm hungry later. Or a tin if I need it. You can have fish."

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-13 03:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Raju looks up from the pan, for a second or two visibly surprised. For all Seetha's streak of stubborn insistence that she knew best had softened around its edges as she'd gotten older it had never gone away, particularly not in private. Raju only realises he'd been expecting to have to push to give Francis the meal that he should be able to provide when he doesn't.

It isn't as good as being able to cook this properly would have been, but this way at least Raju can give him something. Not tins. Not feeling the way that Francis does about them. So it's easier to smile at Francis a little now, knowing he can take care of Francis in this one way and that Francis is going to let him. Raju does smile for a moment, nods, then he turns his attention back to separating the worst parts of the fish and pushing the rest onto a plate, pouring the tea, bringing it all over. During those first days after, once Francis was well enough to eat but not well enough for too much more than that, it'd been easier to use a piece of wood as a tray to put the food on his lap, with a hole cut the right size to at least keep the cup from tipping too far in one direction or the other. Raju is glad for it now, and glad he hasn't bothered to move it from its spot against the wall so it's still close.

"I'll pay more attention to it next time," he says, setting the tray on Francis' lap and putting everything in place. There's something in being so close to Francis now; thinking more about just what that something is can wait until the more important things are done. "Or make something different. I found a book on foraging that looks promising but I haven't looked at it properly yet."
load_aim_shoot: (general lean)

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-13 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Easier still to return Francis' smile, watching him drink, and Raju settles onto the arm of the chair as he does it. He could sit some place else, but this is closer. And Francis' hair is closer; it's less that Raju makes the decision to run his hand over Francis' forehead, pushing back his hair, and more that his hand is drawn to it and drifts that way on its own. Raju's sigh is slow and satisfied, hand lingering on Francis' head as Raju feels a little bit more of the tension running out from him. He himself wouldn't have touched Francis this way yesterday, either. Not so freely, anyway. Not for no reason. He wonders how he'd managed without it.

"But it's so slow, all of it," he complains, watching Francis. "At least the fishing you know where you're going and what you're going to be doing once you're there. But I never know where the greens are going to be. Looking always feels like wasting time."
load_aim_shoot: (general fidget)

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-14 12:19 am (UTC)(link)
"It's not—" he starts automatically and then stops himself with a huff and a noise of faint amusement, hand on Francis' head sliding down to the chairback behind his head, looking down at the arm in his lap. He hasn't touched this one very often. There's something about this kind of injury that feels as if it should be left alone, out of... respect, maybe. Or maybe something else.

But then there'd been yesterday. Raju hadn't noticed this changing in him too, but maybe it had. And maybe the rest of it is the warmth that spreads out inside him in a burst whenever he hears Francis call him that. He reaches out to Francis' arm, turning it a little so the underside of Francis' wrist is facing up, the easier to run his thumb over the skin there, exploring it while he thinks of how to explain.

"I'm just not... used to being here, I suppose. Even now. I used to skip over foraging altogether unless I ran across something edible by accident." Odd to think about that, now. His meals had been nothing but the tins. Francis has been changing things for Raju for even longer than Raju's known enough of himself to think about it.

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-14 12:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Raju looks up from Francis' arm to watch him closely, sharply interested as he always is in anything about Francis' life from before this place. He imagines it: losing his own hand, having to learn... well, everything, after. Francis has been learning for years, and he still couldn't take care of his own sleeve that once, when he'd been too angry to take care with it. Raju tries to imagine that kind of loss, the loss of assurance in himself, that he'll be able to take care of those things, and can't quite do it. And the way Francis says it, it seems like that'd happened when he'd been new with the people who'd taken him in and taught him so much of that knowledge and skill that Raju so admires in him now.

He lifts Francis' forearm and spends a moment studying it. The impulse, always, is to avoid the stump at the end, the part of a body that shouldn't ever see the open air. Raju pulls at Francis' arm and ducks his head to press a slow, lingering kiss to it. It's a marvel how much better, calmer and more stable, he feels afterward. He wonders if it's always going to be this way, touching Francis in all the ways he hadn't been able to before. Or simply hadn't thought to.

"You know so much about surviving here." But being calmer doesn't mean he isn't still going to complain: "But I haven't really learned anything. Not properly. Taste that fish; I didn't even get the herbs on it before it burned."

Cooking had been something he'd trusted others to take care of, before. The cook at the barracks, Seetha at home. But he needs to be the one to do it now, and that means doing it well. He grimaces a little.

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-14 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
The change in Francis' voice is small, but significant; Raju's gaze sharpens again. He recognizes that tone. His gaze moves to Francis' arm, then back to Francis' face. Is that how it is, there? He was aware of Francis' body before but he's aware of it now, too, its proportions, the way that his skin looks around the edges of the bandage. His expression is intent, and fixed on Francis'.

"I want to do more than keep you alive." Francis' voice isn't the only one, now, that's gone lower. His fingers curl over near the skin that he's just kissed. It feels natural, as he does, to move his other hand, brushing its fingertips over the back of Francis' neck. "I want to do something you like. Cook something better. But everything needs sugar or vinegar or honey or flour."

His long hours with nothing to do but research haven't borne much fruit, nothing really useful, and even now Raju is frustrated about it.

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-14 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
The frustration on Raju's face softens, looking down at him, hearing him say those things. Hearing the way that Francis feels when he does them. "All these compliments," he murmurs. "I'll listen to all of them and grow lazy, if you keep on that way." It's in Francis' tone, his arm in Raju's lap, the warmth of him so near and the way Francis is holding his head, as if he wants—

Raju's lips are only a few inches away from Francis' when he stops, thinking again about what he's doing and he looks at Francis this way, close, looking over his skin, his cheeks and lips, into his eyes. His hand is tighter around Francis' wrist and he feels the scars under his fingers, feels the warmth of Francis there. He can smell Francis, cooked fish and pine and the faint smell of soap when he breathes in. He can see every shade of colour in those remarkable eyes. He stays leaning this way, and doesn't move back yet. He doesn't want to.

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-15 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
Raju's satisfied noise comes from deep in his throat in response and he feels it, feels the noises they're making in their lips. But Francis is leaning forward, he'd put his hand on his ribs when he'd done it before, leaning forward is going to hurt him now so Raju pushes into the kiss, hand on the back of Francis' neck moving around to his shoulder and pushing on it, too, wanting to chase Francis as he leans back until Raju can kiss him knowing that Francis isn't moving at all to do it.

He feels Francis' lips against his for a moment more. Then he pulls back, only a little further away than he was before. His eyes flicker briefly down over Francis' chest, the wrapping over his ribs. He smiles, looking apologetic, regretful. "Francis..." The hand on Francis' shoulder drifts down, feather light over Francis' chest and then his ribs, stays there as if Raju could push this feeling into the injuries there and help, do something that actually feels like helping. As if he could push the pain out and fill Francis up with this instead only by willing it. He can't, but he leaves his hand there anyway. He sighs, apologetic smile faint and lingering.
load_aim_shoot: (happy touched surprise)

[personal profile] load_aim_shoot 2024-07-15 11:33 am (UTC)(link)
Raju looks at him. He realises he's breathing harder. A kiss. A kiss won't hurt, will it?

Will it?

He feels the hand over his. He breathes. He leans forward again, free hand moving to support himself against the chair as he kisses Francis, slow and hungrily. But he realises he's pressing Francis back into the chair and his throat is tight, suddenly, and he pulls back, eyes wide and alarmed. He looks down over Francis and back up again, looking for any sign of pain. He sighs, looks away, and then looks into Francis' eyes again, regretful, lips parted like they weren't ready to stop yet. Won't it? he wants to ask, and doesn't want to, but needs to know it regardless.

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