Even feeling the adoration behind the comparison makes him feel low. He’s not better, he’s a coward who’s tired of fighting. He wants to keep Rama for himself, for always, but how could he be so selfish? What does he really have to offer him? He can’t fulfill him like a wife might, and this place is freezing and miserable, and he’s quite a bit older, and so how many years does he actually have —
He realizes too far into the spiral that Rama might be able to hear all this inside his head, and he quickly tries to stop himself from falling into old habits. Ram doesn’t need to hear all that self-inflicted misery.
“Don’t be sorry. I would,” he whispers. I would love you forever, dreams and longing and burdens and all. Rama shouldn’t need to apologize for being pulled in two directions, or thinking of his own happiness for a goddamned change.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-02-15 06:21 pm (UTC)Even feeling the adoration behind the comparison makes him feel low. He’s not better, he’s a coward who’s tired of fighting. He wants to keep Rama for himself, for always, but how could he be so selfish? What does he really have to offer him? He can’t fulfill him like a wife might, and this place is freezing and miserable, and he’s quite a bit older, and so how many years does he actually have —
He realizes too far into the spiral that Rama might be able to hear all this inside his head, and he quickly tries to stop himself from falling into old habits. Ram doesn’t need to hear all that self-inflicted misery.
“Don’t be sorry. I would,” he whispers. I would love you forever, dreams and longing and burdens and all. Rama shouldn’t need to apologize for being pulled in two directions, or thinking of his own happiness for a goddamned change.