Crozier can’t fix this. He can’t soothe the hurt or change the outcome if Ram ever were to go home. He can’t tell him he’d do differently, or that he wouldn’t be devastated or lonely if he did go. It’s frustrating and terrifying, and he grits his teeth and squares his jaw to keep himself from crying.

He can’t do anything but hold him, feeling the damp of sweat and tears and general misery as he leans his head against his. He silently apologizes, though he isn’t sure what he’s most sorry for - that he can’t fight for him, or that he’s willing for the both of them to suffer if it means Ram keeps his promise.

I want to live. I want to live, and I want you by my side, but I couldn’t live with myself.