Francis is caring for him. Holding him tightly, kissing his cheeks where the tears, despite Raju, flowed over. Raju feels cared for. But—
He tries to bring his breathing under more control but it slips through his fingers, and what he gets is less. "I'm alright," he tries, over unsteady breaths. He moves his head to make the angle too difficult for Francis's lips to reach his cheek without work and feels a wrench of guilt at it and moves his head back, eyes closed, and tries again. "I'm alright. It's—"
He's the one who should be doing those things, making the gentle, soothing gestures, and he's the one who should be caring for Francis, as he has been. And he's had time to realise Francis isn't going to die, plenty of time, he'd gotten used to it long ago, and there's no reason to be doing any of this now. He can't explain. He shakes his head, but couldn't bring himself to move away from Francis' affection if he'd been trying to.
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He tries to bring his breathing under more control but it slips through his fingers, and what he gets is less. "I'm alright," he tries, over unsteady breaths. He moves his head to make the angle too difficult for Francis's lips to reach his cheek without work and feels a wrench of guilt at it and moves his head back, eyes closed, and tries again. "I'm alright. It's—"
He's the one who should be doing those things, making the gentle, soothing gestures, and he's the one who should be caring for Francis, as he has been. And he's had time to realise Francis isn't going to die, plenty of time, he'd gotten used to it long ago, and there's no reason to be doing any of this now. He can't explain. He shakes his head, but couldn't bring himself to move away from Francis' affection if he'd been trying to.