Raju's silent for a moment. The flames crackle, very slowly. He realises he's half expecting the film to stop, the whole thing done. But it doesn't, and there's more yet left to do. There has to be. There always is.
"I was going to leave," he remembers. "There was something I wanted to know. I should have just asked." Emotion, now, faint but present in his voice: disgust. There's always more left to do better, too. "I didn't want to, but I didn't want to say any of that either, I think. I remember I didn't want to. But I did it anyway. You asked me to stay, once. But you thought I was... a different man then, I think. The kind of man who's going to fight to keep his humanity, like you. But you know better now. You can't count on me for that. I could go to that other house, the one we've been fixing. Or you could. It has running water. But all your things are here."
His heart is beating hard. He doesn't understand why. Francis is a... a distant concept, right now. A concept he would know well whether it was here or some place else, and that he and the good man somewhere behind him are different that way is something they've agreed on. The smoke is moving very slowly, lazily, and he finds himself blinking, trying to keep it out of his eyes. He could reach up and rub the feeling away; he doesn't, and the thought moves into the distance again.
"You'll still need someone you really can respect watching your back, but I don't know who I'd trust with you. I'll find someone."
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Raju's silent for a moment. The flames crackle, very slowly. He realises he's half expecting the film to stop, the whole thing done. But it doesn't, and there's more yet left to do. There has to be. There always is.
"I was going to leave," he remembers. "There was something I wanted to know. I should have just asked." Emotion, now, faint but present in his voice: disgust. There's always more left to do better, too. "I didn't want to, but I didn't want to say any of that either, I think. I remember I didn't want to. But I did it anyway. You asked me to stay, once. But you thought I was... a different man then, I think. The kind of man who's going to fight to keep his humanity, like you. But you know better now. You can't count on me for that. I could go to that other house, the one we've been fixing. Or you could. It has running water. But all your things are here."
His heart is beating hard. He doesn't understand why. Francis is a... a distant concept, right now. A concept he would know well whether it was here or some place else, and that he and the good man somewhere behind him are different that way is something they've agreed on. The smoke is moving very slowly, lazily, and he finds himself blinking, trying to keep it out of his eyes. He could reach up and rub the feeling away; he doesn't, and the thought moves into the distance again.
"You'll still need someone you really can respect watching your back, but I don't know who I'd trust with you. I'll find someone."