A frown twitches over Raju's face and he twists to look back at Francis reflexively, looking confused, before he turns back, frowning down at the snow. It's a broad question, and Raju tries thinking its iterations through. Why isn't he like Francis? Because Francis has lines that he won't cross, and Raju doesn't. Like Raju's just said, so Francis must already know that much, for all he's still trying to understand the rest of it. Why won't Raju draw those lines for himself too, and stay behind them? That's a fairly broad question, too. And an obvious one. Maybe it isn't obvious to Francis.

If Francis wants to hear it, then Raju will say it out loud. A concept he knows is true, but which says something about him anyway. Something Francis needs to understand. So maybe that's alright, no matter how saying it feels. "Someone has to. Someone has to do the things no one else can bear to. Not men like my uncle, or Lieutenant Little, or you, but like me. I can do it. You don't want to believe your lines might have to be crossed. But I know what it feels like. So I can do it again. So I should, so you don't have to, none of you. So I will. I will. I should have explained that, before. You deserved to know what kind of..."

He pauses, taking deep, hard breaths. He feels hot, and can't tell how much of it's the fire, and whether that means it's going to get worse. Snow's still melting out of his hands. Feeling like this and kneeling this way in the cold, with Francis just there, this is familiar. At least he has his shoes on this time.

The last thought gives him just enough distance from the rest to get his breath back, and try and get his thoughts together. "...What you've been sleeping next to all this time. You must understand it now. Is that what you wanted to know? The why?"