The first few days of darkness and sick green sky are almost easy to take as an abnormally long night. But after a while it's more difficult: more difficult to pretend he knows when a day has passed at all, more difficult to pretend to sleep. Before this place, before going out at night meant being so cold he couldn't bear it, so cold it hurt inside and out just to stand outside in the wind and the dark, there'd been days when he could go out and do whatever was needed whenever he could. When sleep didn't always mean that it was night, sleep only meant that Raju couldn't keep going any more. It'd happened when he'd been a young man, and then once away from the structure of the barracks living in the city proper, with no one to report to but himself, and now it's happening here. He's trying to keep to Francis' schedule but it's harder, harder to stay inside, harder to stay still.
A couple times he's woken up convinced he's set Francis on fire by accident while he slept but he hasn't insisted on sleeping apart yet, and the tension that failure winds tight inside his chest has made him a little shorter with Francis, those mornings, than he wants to be. They'd been perfectly alright sleeping apart before, and it isn't cold in their cabin here the way that it had been on the walk to and from Lakeside, and in the broken down places there that were empty enough to sleep in. They could sleep apart again now and it would be alright. But Raju feels...
It feels better, still, to touch him. The certainty that something is about to come, something he needs to be prepared for, something he isn't remotely prepared for, with his arm over the warm and solid line of his friend's side, feeling his body just there even when Raju's eyes are closed, that certainty moves back a little.
Raju's thinking about that when they make it back, even knowing how on edge Francis is after going into the town, such as it is, and the conversations they'd had there. People there are saying whoever it is in the forest is going to try something now, that they already have and that's why all this is happening, or just that everyone here can't let this new thing distract them from the threat and they need to be proactive, to act. He knows it's bothering Francis, but he's lost all sense of when Francis does and doesn't want to sleep, and when he himself will sleep, and whether Francis is going to want to soon now that they're home, and he knows he needs to separate himself more once they both do, and he knows that he won't.
It's a ridiculous thing to be so focused on. But it's important. Something is going to happen, and keeping Francis safe is something he can do. Something he should be able to do.
"There's children everywhere," Raju says distractedly, moving over to the table himself and opening the bag Francis had put everything in. "It doesn't mean they aren't dangerous. We already know they're not afraid to kill."
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A couple times he's woken up convinced he's set Francis on fire by accident while he slept but he hasn't insisted on sleeping apart yet, and the tension that failure winds tight inside his chest has made him a little shorter with Francis, those mornings, than he wants to be. They'd been perfectly alright sleeping apart before, and it isn't cold in their cabin here the way that it had been on the walk to and from Lakeside, and in the broken down places there that were empty enough to sleep in. They could sleep apart again now and it would be alright. But Raju feels...
It feels better, still, to touch him. The certainty that something is about to come, something he needs to be prepared for, something he isn't remotely prepared for, with his arm over the warm and solid line of his friend's side, feeling his body just there even when Raju's eyes are closed, that certainty moves back a little.
Raju's thinking about that when they make it back, even knowing how on edge Francis is after going into the town, such as it is, and the conversations they'd had there. People there are saying whoever it is in the forest is going to try something now, that they already have and that's why all this is happening, or just that everyone here can't let this new thing distract them from the threat and they need to be proactive, to act. He knows it's bothering Francis, but he's lost all sense of when Francis does and doesn't want to sleep, and when he himself will sleep, and whether Francis is going to want to soon now that they're home, and he knows he needs to separate himself more once they both do, and he knows that he won't.
It's a ridiculous thing to be so focused on. But it's important. Something is going to happen, and keeping Francis safe is something he can do. Something he should be able to do.
"There's children everywhere," Raju says distractedly, moving over to the table himself and opening the bag Francis had put everything in. "It doesn't mean they aren't dangerous. We already know they're not afraid to kill."